What if Shakespeare wrote The Hokey Pokey?

If Shakespeare had written the "Hokey Pokey":

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within
Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.
Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:
Command sinsistral pedestal to writhe.
Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,
Mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.
To spin! A wild release from Heaven's yoke.
Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.
The Hoke, the Poke -- banish now thy doubt.
Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.